Today I’m one of the final stops on the blog book tour for Cycle Savvy, The Smart Teen’s Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body, the newest book by Toni Weschler. Does that name sound familiar? It should. She is the author of the infamous Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which I read and loved when we were considering trying to conceive our first child. As a well informed and educated woman, I was shocked (and a little ashamed) at the information that I didn’t know about my own body.

Toni’s new book, aimed at young women aged 14-18, is all about knowledge. As a teacher, a mother and a strong woman, I firmly believe that education is never a bad thing. Knowledge: Good. Ignorance: Bad is one of the points that Toni emphasizes throughout the book and is the reason I so highly recommend it to you. In this world of (ahem) world leaders in denial (ahem) pushing for abstinence only education, it’s high time young women were provided with the “down and dirty” about their bodies. (Not that there’s anything dirty about it, at all!) My first instinct is to think that parents should be educating their daughters about this stuff. This is closely followed by the thought that even if the lines of communication are open, there are many parents who don’t know this stuff themselves.

Did you know that your waking temperature shifts predictably throughout your cycle? Do you know why? And what about that wet stuff in your underoos? Do you know what it really means?

If not, then you have several options as I see it. The following are among them:

1) Teach nothing aside from abstinence. Maybe mention periods once or twice, blush wildly, and then leave a box of maxi-pads in the bathroom. Allow your daughter to deal with the consequences of lack of education, whatever those may be. (Please note: this book does not advocate sex. It simply advocates knowledge. I realize this is not the opposite of abstinence, but is all too often the opposite of what girls who only hear of abstinence receive.)

2) Give your daughter this book to read and hope that she learns more than you did at her age. Also hope that she doesn’t start having unprotected sex just because she thinks she can predict her fertile times. (Please note: Toni explicitly states that charting your cycle does not protect you from pregnancy or STI’s and is only a method of getting to know your developing body’s cycles. Sometimes, however, people skim for the content they want to find.)

3) Read this book yourself and become educated. Allow your daughter to read this book. Discuss it. Maybe even compare your cycles if that’s not too weird. Allow her to chart if she wants to. Allow her to think it’s freaky if she wants to, but provide her with the base knowledge, open lines of communication and a place to find more information if she wants it. Emphasize the fact that while abstinence is the only guaranteed protection against pregnancy and STI’s, there are steps one MUST take if they make the informed and educated decision to have sex.

Please, mothers of girls, I beg of you. Choose number 3. If I, as your daughter’s teacher, have to try to explain this to your child who has no knowledge, no background and nobody else to talk to about it, I’m happy to, but I certainly can’t do the job that you can as her mother and, in the interest of keeping my job, have to often refer her back to you for some of the difficult answers.

I had a few questions for Toni that she was gracious enough to answer, and I’d like to share her answers here with you:

1. As a teacher in the Canadian school system, I have always wished there was an earlier introduction to “sex-ed” (I intensely dislike that word) than grade five. By that time many of the girls are wearing bras and menstruating or are nearing that time. What is your opinion on when the topics of cycles, hormones, menstruation etc should be introduced in schools? (I know that parents should be doing it gradually at home from the toddler years and we should just be reviewing and debunking any myths, but unfortunately that’s rarely the case.) Also, do you have any advice on how best to bring up the topic of earlier introduction with parents, administrators and government while keeping my job? (Perhaps I’ll suggest your book as a resource!)

The reason I chose to write my book for girls at least 14 years and older is that I wanted them to have both the maturity for the more complex subject matter, and a point of reference of having menstruated for at least a couple years in order to understand the concepts discussed in the book.

So to answer your specific question, I think girls should start learning about the fact that they will start having periods by age 9 or 10, to be sure that they won’t be shocked when they eventually do get it. But I think the concept of cycles and hormones is more complex than they really need to understand until they are about 14 or so.

I think it is enough to explain early on that women’s bodies are capable of getting pregnant and nurturing and growing babies in their wombs, and one of the ways they do so is by developing a rich and cuddly site in which the fertilized egg can burrow in and develop. If pregnancy does not occur that cycle, the blood is shed in the form of a period. I don’t think they need to know much more until they have had their period for a couple years. THEN, my book should be able to answer all of their questions, and more.

But if we don’t start educating 13 or 14 year-old girls by explicitly discussing issues of pregnancy, STDs (now called STIs) date rape, emotional and physical vulnerability, etc. we will be remiss in sending them out in the world to protect themselves adequately. And it should go without saying that education is the key. It’s specifically LACK of education that gets girls into trouble!

2. What can parents of boys do to raise them to respect girls/women and understand their basic workings and cycles without making them (a) the freaky kid who talks about periods all the time or (b) roll on the floor laughing when they even broach the subject?

What a great question! To be honest, I need more time to think about it…

But they can start by not doing all the boys chores for them, so that boys will grow up knowing that they are responsible for themselves, and should not expect a woman to pick up after them and do everything for them!

For whatever it is worth, though, I think teen boys would really enjoy reading my book for teen girls, because it is jam packed with all sorts of tidbits that guys would be interested in reading. And if truth be told, the very fact that it is written for girls may make them even that much more interested.

I felt like a lucky member of the paparazzi when I received Toni’s answers. This famous (infamous?) woman who I admire took the time to “talk” to me? Cool! Yes, I’m a loser.

In a nutshell, this book comes with my highest recommendations. It’s informative and educational, non-judgmental, well-written, thoughtful and, perhaps most importantly, empowering. Toni writes to teens from the perspective of someone who simply wants to empower them, not lecture them. It is best suited for the 14-18 year (perhaps 28? 38? I’m 30 and loved it…) age range because of the slightly mature content. It’s also a wonderful alternative to Taking Charge of Your Fertility for women (and men!) of any age who aren’t wanting as much detail and/or who are intimidated by a thick “fertility” book. I hope I’ve done it justice with this review. My husband has listened to me for a week saying “Wow! This book is great! Our kids are definitely reading this! I want to introduce this to our curriculum!” … on and on and on and I hope I’ve portrayed the way I really feel with enough but not too much detail. This is my first “formal” book review, and it turns out I love reviewing books. I can’t wait for the next one!

Feeling lucky? I have three copies of this book to give away!

To enter, send me an email at muchmoreopinionated at gmail dot com with CYCLE SAVVY in the subject heading telling me why you want a copy of this book and your mailing address. This time, I’ll surprise the winners with a book in the mail! You have until midnight MST on Boxing Day (December 26, 2006) to enter. Congratulations to Jenny and Cindy who won here, and Chelle who won the other!

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